


~A Light In The Shadows~ (PRINXIETY FANFIC)

by Edgy_mcMCR



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Inspired by Sanders Sides, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-05-23 10:46:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14932785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edgy_mcMCR/pseuds/Edgy_mcMCR
Summary: Reasons why I, Virgil Sanders, hate Roman Sanders:1. He sings way too much2. He's overconfident and arrogant3. He's super bossy4. He has those stupid nicknames for me5. He refuses to believe anyone else's opinion6. He calls me "pretty face" EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE THE SAME FACE!7. He watches waaaay too much Disney8. He has a habit of taking my stuff just to see my reaction. It's annoying.9. He doesn't realize how annoying he is10. I'm in love with him.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Virgil, or "Anxiety", Sanders has always been the odd side out. No one even notices him until he messes something up. Roman has always been the flamboyant and outgoing side, the opposite of Virgil, but you know what they say: opposites attract.





	1. Chapter one~ Another Cog in the Murder Machine

**Author's Note:**

> Warning!  
> This story has pretty graphic depictions of self harm, depression, suicidal actions and thoughts and much more. As the author, I have gone through all of these and I will write them accurately. I will only tone them down slightly. That being said, this story is not advised for younger audiences. One of the main characters being the living embodiment of anxiety, there will be mentions of anxiety attacks. Anxiety and depression are different for everyone. I can only write from my experience, so it may be very different from yours and everyone else's. I'm not one to sugar coat things, so these chapters can and most likely will be fairly intense. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
> 
> Enjoy the story!

**Virgil’s POV:**

I stared at myself in the mirror, regretting even waking up. The overhead light made me look like  vampire. I had dark circles under my eyes and it seemed like I was getting paler by the day. It looked like someone had given me two black eyes and they never healed. For some reason, sleeping never helped the bags under my eyes.I had just slept for 20 hours, but before that I hadn't slept in who knows how many days. I ran my fingers through my hair, being too lazy to get a comb. I didn't really care how I looked, so I didn't put any effort into my appearance. If anyone had a problem with it, they can fix it themselves. I adjusted my hoodie, which I had been wearing for countless days, and walks slowly down the stairs. The other sides were already up, way before me suppose. Patton was cooking pancakes for everyone, Logan was reading the newspaper and Roman was humming while sitting on the couch. I stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do. They all fit in so perfectly. I was like that one square in a group of circles. I simply didn't belong with the others. No one noticed me walk down. Either that or no one cared enough. Probably the second one, but whatever. 

 

“Breakfast is ready, kids!” Patton called from the kitchen. Logan put down his newspaper, walked to the table and sat down. Roman smiled that adorable smile of his and did the same. God, he is cute. Let me tell you, it's weird being attracted to someone with the same face as you. 

 

**_You can't actually be attracted to that loser._ **

 

_ 'Oh shut up’  _ I thought to myself. 

 

I walked over to the table and sat down, not meeting any of their eyes. Patton put down Logan’s plate, Roman's plate and his own. Then he got mine. 

 

**_See? You're always going to be the extra_ **

 

_ 'I get it. Just be quiet’ _

 

**_Make me._ **

 

I shoved some pancakes in my mouth, hoping to drown out the voices. The pancakes were really fluffy and sweet. They were perfectly buttered and had just the right amount of syrup. My eyes widened in surprise.

 

“Patton…..THESE ARE REALLY GOOD!” I said while eating the pancakes. I shoveled them down quickly, on account of I hadn't eaten in days. I was so hungry, I ate like an animal. Patton giggled.

 

“Awww thanks, kiddo! I'm glad you like them! I made them with extra love!” He winked at me, returned to eating and pretended I didn’t exist, just like everybody else. I finished the food, threw the plate in the sink and approached the stairs. Before I walked up, I looked back. Just as I suspected, no one noticed I was leaving.

 

**_Well, what DID you expect? You are nobody. Why should they care whether you stay or go?_ **

 

I sighed and walked up to my room, locking it on the way in. It didn’t matter what they thought. I was on my home turf now. My room was so comforting for some reason. It had purple curtains, a purple bedspread and purple decor (you can tell purple is my favorite color. Besides black, that is). I walked around the various piles of clothes and jumped on top off my bed. My trusty old headphones were already on my nightstand, waiting for me. They were all black, of course. They were the good kind, with big cushions on the sides so they didn’t hurt your head. I put them on and pressed play on my phone. The music cued in and surrounded me. The room seemed to fade around me. I simply let myself disappear into the music, leaving the real world behind. 

 

“They're gonna clean up your looks   
With all the lies in the books   
To make a citizen out of you   
Because they sleep with a gun   
And keep an eye on you, son   
So they can watch all the things you do”

 

**_What are you doing? I never said you could relax. This song is so fucking stupid. Just shut it off._ **

 

_ 'No can do. I really like this song. You'll just have to suffer through it.’  _

 

The song continued to play.

 

“Because the drugs never work   
They're gonna give you a smirk   
'Cause they got methods of keepin' you clean   
They gonna rip up your heads   
Your aspirations to shreds   
Another cog in the murder machine.

They said all   
Teenagers scare   
The living shit out of me   
They could care less   
As long as someone'll bleed   
So darken your clothes   
Or strike a violent pose   
Maybe they'll leave you alone   
But not me”

 

**_They all hate you, you know._ **

 

I gritted my teeth, trying not to lose my cool. 

 

_ 'maybe you should take the songs advice and leave me alone!’ _

 

“The boys and girls in the clique   
The awful names that they stick   
You're never gonna fit in much, kid   
But if you're troubled and hurt   
What you got under your shirt   
Will make them pay for the things that they did”

 

I felt myself starting to tear up.

 

_ 'why am I tearing up? It's just a song. It's not even sad.’ _

 

**_It's because you're weak. You'll never be strong. Why fight it?_ **

 

I sat up and paused the song. 

 

_ 'Do I really have to do it now?’ _

 

**_Yes. You have to. Do it._ **

 

_ 'but I really don't want to. I made a promise that I wouldn't’  _

 

**_Do. it._ **

**_Do. it._ **

**_Do. it._ **

**_Do. it._ **

**_Do. it_ **

**_DO. IT._ **

 

_ 'FINE! Jesus Christ, I never get a break.’ _

 

I took off my headphones and stood up. I had to walk to the bathroom. I didn’t want to get blood all over my brand new bedspread. Unfortunately, the bathroom was down the hall. I had to make sure nobody saw me. I don’t know how I would explain it to the others. I might not even have to explain. They probably won’t care anyway. I unlocked my door silently and walked down the hall as quietly as I could. No one was in sight. Perfect. I walked in, closed the door and breathed a sigh of relief.

 

**_Hurry up already. I'm getting bored._ **

 

_ 'Can you be patient for just one second? I’m doing you a favor, you know.’ _

 

I made sure to lock the door before I started.

 

**_HURRY UP! I DON’T HAVE ALL DAY!_ **

 

_ ‘Calm the fuck down. I just have to make sure nobody finds this. You know what will happen if they find out. Then we’ll never be able to do this again.’ _

  
  


The voice grumbled a few inaudible words and fell silent. The voice knew what time it was. I opened the cupboard and pulled out my trusty black shoe box. It seemed so familiar and comforting, yet foreign and terrifying. I couldn't exactly explain it. It was like an old friend that you’ve been avoiding, knowing you have to talk to them eventually. I opened it, revealing tons of silver objects. 

 

_ 'Which do you prefer? A knife or a razor?’  _

 

**_Why not both? Go big or go home!_ **

 

I did as the voice said and grabbed both. I slowly took off my hoodie, careful not to rub against any of my other reminders of last time. The razor blade glinted in the overhead light of the bathroom. 

 

_ 'Too late to back down now.' _

I sunk the blade into my skin and watched the red drip down my arm. The blood looked so beautiful. I forgot how much I loved this. One wasn't enough. I made more and more cuts, so many I lost count. I swapped to the other arm and stifled a giggle. This was so much fun! Finally, all the pain of being alive disappeared. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the cold wall of the bathroom. I was starting to feel a little light-headed. It was worth it though. I opened my eyes and smiled down at my arms. I had created a masterpiece in silver and red. I closed my eyes again and let the warm embrace of sleep take over me.  

 

**(A/N)**   


**Hello! I just wanted to credit the song in the chapter. It is called "Teenagers", by My Chemical Romance. Thanks for reading! I'll see you in the next chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2~ Edgy McThunderstorm

**Roman’s POV:**

 

I smiled as my eyes fluttered open. 

 

_ ‘Goooood morning, world! Time for a beautiful day!’ _

 

I sat up and yawned. I had slept very well, which was good for my appearance. I jumped out of bed, got dressed as fast as I can and ran to the top of the stairs.

 

“Good morning, everyone!!” I exclaimed,  smiling at my friends below. Logan looked up from his newspaper and Patton smiled from in the kitchen.

 

“Good morning, kiddo! Did you sleep well?” Patton said, beaming up at me with his innocent little smile. 

 

“I slept sounder then princess Aurora herself!” I finished walking down the stairs and jumped on to the couch. I saw Logan roll his eyes slightly, but otherwise he didn't react. A simply delicious scent drifted through the air. I could sense butter, syrup and a hint of blueberry. “Patton, are those your famous Patton-cakes I smell?” Patton giggled.

 

“Yupperz! I made blueberry today!”

 

“Delightful! I can't wait to try them. I bet they're going to be perfect….as always” 

 

“Awww thanks Roman! You're so nice!” Patton blushed slightly and returned to his cooking. I started humming a little bit, thinking about how joyus this day could be. Every day seemed to be better than the last. 

_ ‘I hope this upward climb never ends!’ _

_   
_ I heard soft footsteps coming down the stairs and I gazed in their direction. Of course, it was the Edgelord himself. He looked like he’d just come back from a heavy metal concert. His all black clothes clashed with the cheery interior of the house. He was just so…..UGH! He really messed with me for some reason. It seemed like every dream I had he loved to ruin. He always had to rain on my parade, making Thomas nervous and making him not want to try my idea. I could see his rain cloud was especially big today. He stood there, staring at us. 

 

_ ‘What a weirdo. Just ignore him, Roman. You don’t need his negativity. Just smile all the cares away. Then you’ll be happy’  _

 

“Breakfast is ready, kids!” Patton called from the kitchen. I felt a smile tug at my face. I mean, who couldn’t smile? The world was so full of wonder and adventure! Also, it was breakfast time! And Patton made those amazing pancakes of his. I simply couldn’t wait to try some! I stood, walked over to the table and sat down. Edgy McThunderstorm sat down as well and Logan soon followed. Patton placed my plate in front of me and I started to eat. As always, they were delicious. Panic at the Everywhere said something, but I was too busy daydreaming to care. I couldn’t wait until it was my turn to help Thomas again. I always loved helping him out, especially when I’m on camera. Something about being in front of people just made me feel...whole. I loved to perform, no matter what I am performing. Obviously, singing is my favorite, but I also have a deep love for acting, dancing and almost every other performing art. The one thing I can’t do is juggling. I couldn’t juggle to save my life. For some reason, it never made sense in my brain. That doesn’t matter, though. I can do so many more marvelous things. I don’t have to worry about stupid juggling. I mean, who even juggles? It’s so pointless!

 

_ ‘Okay, Roman. You’re getting a bit off track. Revenge on Juggling can wait. Right now, enjoy those delicious pancakes!’ _

 

I took another bite of my pancakes. They were so. Flapjacking. Good! I don’t know how Patton does it, but he keeps making better and better food. Maybe he’s been taking cooking lessons or something. I looked up at where Panic™ was sitting, but he wasn’t there anymore.

 

_ ‘Huh. That’s funny. I guess he went up to his room. Let’s just let him enjoy his freetime. He does love being in that room of his. I wonder what he does up there. Probably really edgy stuff, like paint his nails black or play really loud music. Yeah, that sounds like him.’  _

 

I finished my pancakes, put my plate in the sink and sat back down at the table. Logan had hardly touched his food. 

 

“Lo? Why haven’t you eaten?” Patton asked, giving him puppy-dog eyes. Patton was always good at guilting people into doing what he wanted. Logan looked over at him with his ever-emotionless eyes. 

 

“Well, Morality, I'm simply not hungry,” Logan says. Patton crossed his arms and pouted playfully.

 

“You have to be hungry! Here's a little fact for you: the human body needs three meals a day in order to function properly. Studies show that people who eat less than three meals a day experience loss in intelligence, coordination and eye sight.” Patton giggled. “See! I know sciencey stuff too!”

 

Logan's eyes widened. I could tell the “loss of intelligence” part got to him. He ate quickly and looked up at Patton.

 

“Is that better?” 

 

Patton giggled again. “Much better. Thank you, Logan!”

 

Logan sighed and shook his head.

 

“The things I do for science.” He adjusted his glasses and pulled out another book. I couldn't read the title from my seat.

 

“Hey Microsoft Nerd. What book is that?” As soon as I said that, I regretted it. A glimmer appeared in Logan's eyes.

 

“Well, this novel is called 1984. It's about the dystopian society that….”

 

He went on and on, but I stopped listening by then. Patton watched him in awe. I could've sworn I saw something in his eyes. 

 

_ 'there might be something there that wasn't there before’ _

 

I know! Shameless Disney reference! I mean, it's who I am. I am a Disney prince, after all. Still, was it my business to spy on them? Of course it was. I had to make sure these two were realizing their feelings for each other. 

 

_ ‘Sounds familiar, you know.’ _

 

Oh shut up, me. I have no feelings for Marilyn Mourn-roe! He...drives me crazy! I hate him! He is….like…..ugh! I don’t care. I hate him, and that’s that! 

 

“Sounds like a good book,” I said, cutting Logan off. He gave me a puzzled look, shrugged and returned to reading. 

 

“It doesn’t sound like my style. I’m more into things like romance and comedy, not dystopian societies and things like that.” Patton said, still beaming at Logan. Logan didn’t seem to notice. He was never really one for affection. This was boooooriiiiing. I guess I’ll spy on them later. A loud thud came from upstairs. 

 

_ 'Okay, now what is Panic™ doing? I mean, whenever he hides in his room, he makes a point not to be loud. Something must be wrong.” _

 

I jumped up, making Logan and Patton flinch in surprise.

 

“Don't worry, My chemically imbalanced romance! Your Prince is coming!” I proclaimed. Wait….I didn't say that in my head. Oh shit. 

 

“Uh Roman? Is there something you wanna tell us?” Logan asked, adjusting his glasses. Patton giggled adorably, probably realizing that I- TOTALLY DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR ANXIETY! I could feel my face grow redder than an apple. I ran up the stairs, my feet pounding on the wooden floor. I simply could not bear all that embarrassment. Too much blush wasn't a good look on me. The top of the stairs approached, Anxiety's room coming into view. The door was slightly open.

 

_ 'That’s odd. He always locks his door. I mean, it is open. _ ’ I laughed to myself.

 

_ ‘Don't mind if I do’ _

 

I mean, if he left his door open, it's basically an invitation to come in. He was most likely in the bathroom, so he wouldn't notice I was in there. I approached the door and stared at it in wonder. I'd never seen inside. I wonder what's in there. I brushed my fingers against the door, feeling all of the dents and marks. Reminders of every fight we had, every time he slammed his door in frustration. 

 

_ 'Don’t worry about it. Just go for it.’ _

 

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and pushed the door open. 

 

~To be continued in the next chapter~


	3. Chapter 3~ Anxeity's Room

 

Okay, so, in my defense, I had no idea Anxiety didn't want me in there. I mean, he had his door wide open. That's practically an invitation to go in! And besides, how he reacted was waaaaay out of line. Throwing me out like that really hurt. He also messed up my hair, which was crossing the line. I could still see all of it vividly like it only happened seconds ago...because it did.

From the moment I stepped into his room, I knew it was his. There was purple E V E R Y W H E R E! The entire theme of his room was black and purple. There were some things I simply adored (I'm talking about you, Nightmare Before Christmas posters), and everything else I despised. It was just so gloomy. It was just so....him. I walked in and sat on his bed (also purple) and took it all in.

_'Wow. I mean, it is pretty nice. I could get used to all the purple. It does suit his personality. It's not my style, but I can see why he picked it.'_

There was a lot to take in. There were piles of clothes all over the floor, stacks of cd's in the corner by a large radio, paint splatters nearly everywhere (mostly black and purple. I mean, what other colors would they be?) Feeling curious, I stood up and walked over to the CDs. They were mostly My Chemical Romance.

_'Isn't that his favorite band? Not like I really care or anything. They're really...edgy. Just like him."_

I picked up a random cd, which just happened to be entitled _Welcome to the Black Parade._ He was always talking about this cd, whenever he was talking. I put it in the radio and turned it up, just enough so I could hear.

"When I was a young boy

My father took me into the city

To see a marching band"

_'You know, this is actually quite nice. The delicate piano behind the soft vocals is actually quite soothing. I can see why he enjoys this band'_

I kept listening and closed my eyes, letting my mind run wild.

"He said, Son, when you grow up

Would you be the savior of the broken

The beaten and the damned?

He said, will you defeat them

Your demons and all the non-believers?  
The plans that they have made?

Because one day I'll leave you

A phantom to lead you in the summer

To join the Black Parade"

The guitars kicked in and the music swelled, getting louder and much more emotional. This was....surprisingly good! I mean, it wasn't Disney music, but it still had many classical influences with a modern touch. I have to admit, Marilyn Mourn-roe did have a good taste in music.

_'A good taste in music. That doesn't mean he has a good taste in anything else. Fashion, for instance, he did not know much about at all. He pretty much only wore black, which just brought everyone's mood down. Black also attracts sunlight, which can be very dangerous in this Florida weather. If he simply swapped out all that black for some purple, which he clearly enjoyed, then everybody would be much happier. All he needs is a splash of color and WABAM! His wardrobe is automatically much more happy and friendly. He could learn a few things fro-'_

The door made a squealing noise as it slowly drifted open. My eyes shot open faster than a gun and of course, Edgy McThunderstorm was standing right in the doorway. At first, he looked shocked. Perhaps he never thought anyone would dare go into his room. I, obviously, am not anyone. Anger soon washed over his face and....was he growling at me? The trying-to-intimidate-people-with-animal-noises thing was sooooooo last season. I couldn't tell if he had darkened his eyeshadow or if that was actually from lack of sleep. I always make sure that I get at least 8 hours of sleep. That allows for maximum creativity! Where was I again? Oh. Right. Even though we literally had the same eyes, his always seemed more intense and angry.

"What. Are. You. Doing. In. My. Room?" He glared at me, obviously upset I invaded his little privacy-cave.

"Well, I was simply looking for you. You left breakfast very quickly and I was wondering if you were okay." I said, lying flawlessly, like always. There was no way he'd know what I was really doing.

"No, you were snooping around my room." He said, taking an aggressive step towards me. Shit. He saw right through me. This was going to be difficult. I mean, telling him the truth would be the chivalrous thing to do, but it could have....negative consequences. I sighed.

"Alright fine. I was looking around your room. I mean, you left the door wide open! That's practically an invitation in."

His glare intensified. "Get the fuck out of my room. Now."

It was common for Anxiety to swear, but it felt like it was different this time. Did I do something wrong? "I only came in here because I was worried about you. If you really don't want me here, I'll leave." I said, walking towards the door. I lowered my voice, so he could just barely hear me. "I was just trying to help. I guess you don't appreciate what we do for you."

I'll admit, saying that was a big mistake. A fire of rage burned in his normally sullen eyes. It happened in a flash and before I knew it, I was on the ground in the hallway. Did he....shove me? He smirked as he closed his door, assuming he had won the fight. That's it. I'm sick of all of his bullshit. I stood up and growled at him, my anger boiling inside of me. All I ever did was care about him. Why couldn't he just appreciate me for once? He was constantly pushing us away when all we ever wanted was to hang out with him. We're all part of this family and he's tearing it apart.

"FINE! PUSH US ALL AWAY! JUST DON'T COME CRAWLING BACK WHEN YOU REGRET LOSING THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THAT CARE ABOUT YOU," I yelled, standing up. His door swung back open and he growled as well.

"None of you care about me. Just fuck off." He said, slamming his door. You know what? I'm done trying. He doesn't deserve my sympathy. He doesn't deserve anything. God, he always knew how to get on my nerves. I could feel my face turning red from anger. Who does he think he is? He has no right to treat us this way. Well, another beautiful day ruined all thanks to Anxiety. I walked back to my room and threw the door closed, slamming it unintentionally. The loud noise didn't bother me. Anxiety just made me so.....so.... GAH! I can't even think of the right word for how he made me feel. My hate for him burns brighter than a billion suns. I. Fucking. Hate. Him.

.

.

.

.

Okay, so maybe I'm overreacting. I am the theatrical and creative side, after all. Overreacting is what I do. Still, if that stupid disorder would just get out of our lives, everything would be better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> Ohhhhhhh D R A M A!!!!! Sorry for the long chapters by the way. I just really love writing. Thanks for reading guys! I love ya! Byeeeee


	4. Chapter 4~ The Dark Doesn't Take Prisoners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is a special chapter. There is going to be intense mentions of suicidal thoughts and....very vivid descriptions. Here's how this will work: I will put the original version at the top, which is a very toned down and mild version. After, I will put the more brutally honest version. It is up to you, the reader, which version you would like to read. They are both cannon to the story line, so nothing about the story changes. I love you guys. Stay safe and thanks for reading!

**Virgil's POV:**

All of the air suddenly vacated my lungs. Princey doesn’t know I can hear all his negative thoughts. He…he really does hate me.

_ ‘I-I can’t breathe. God, I’m such a fuck up. Why did I say all of that? Why was I so rude to him? WHY WHY WHY? What is he gonna think of me? What are they all gonna think of me? Oh. My. God.’  _

I shook my head, trying to chase out my thoughts, but they wouldn’t stop. I crawled into the corner and hugged my knees. Of course, I was having a panic attack. I was the living embodiment of anxiety, after all. Panic attacks were just a fact of life. I knew what was coming, yet I still couldn’t calm myself down. My heart started beating faster and faster. The room seemed to close in around me. Everything was so dark.

**_He hates you so much. They all hate you. They hate you so much, they can barely even stand you. You should just kill yourself so they can stop suffering. It would ease all of the pain._ **

The voice was right. The voice was so right, it hurt. I was just causing all of the others pain. Everything would be better if I just….

_ ‘YOU’RE NOT HELPING, YOU KNOW’ _

**_Why would I help you? We’re enemies, remember?_ **

_ ‘Whatever. I’m not giving up, not yet.’ _

**_Well, it’s your funeral._ **

The voice laughed at it’s stupid joke. My hands started to shake, so I just hugged my knees tighter. I just wanted this all to be over. 

_ ‘No one would even miss me if I died. I’m so worthless. I’m so weak. I’m just a disorder, a mistake, a burden. Maybe that voice was right. Maybe I should just…. God, why do I always feel like this? I fucking hate this. I hate this and I hate myself. I wish I never existed. Then maybe then none of this would’ve happened.  _

**_See? I’m always right. If you never existed, everyone would be happy. Instead, you just had to fuck everything up by existing._ **

_ ‘I GET IT, OKAY? I SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE. EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPIER IF I WAS DEAD! ARE YOU HAPPY?’ _

The voice paused for a while. I could feel myself tearing up. 

**_You know what will make me happy._ **

I buried my face in my knees and let the tears flow down my face until the sweet embrace of sleep swept over me.

 

~~ **AND NOW, FOR THE MORE INTENSE VERSION. PLEASE, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.** ~~   


 

~~****~~ ****

**Virgil's POV:**

All of the air suddenly vacated my lungs. It was like someone dropped a thousand bricks on top of me. I just felt so....crushed. Princey doesn’t know I can hear all his negative thoughts. He…he really does hate me. My chest stopped rising, only for a second. I could hear my heart beating so loud, it was almost deafening. My breathing went from 0 to 60 real quick. My chest rose and fell so fast, I could hardly even see it. 

_ ‘I-I can’t breathe. God, I’m such a fuck up. Why did I say all of that? Why was I so rude to him? WHY WHY WHY? What is he gonna think of me? What are they all gonna think of me? Oh. My. God.’  _

I shook my head, trying to chase out my thoughts, but they wouldn’t stop. I crawled into the corner and hugged my knees. Corners always made me feel safe, yet this time it had no effect. Of course, I was having a panic attack. I was the living embodiment of anxiety, after all. Panic attacks were just a fact of life. I knew what was coming, yet I still couldn’t calm myself down. My heart started beating faster and faster. The room seemed to close in around me. Everything was so dark. God, this was hell. 

**_He hates you so much. They all hate you. They hate you so much, they can barely even stand you. You should just kill yourself so they can stop suffering. It would ease all of the pain._ **

The voice was right. The voice was so right, it hurt. I was just causing all of the others pain. Everything would be better if I just….

_ ‘YOU’RE NOT HELPING, YOU KNOW’ _

**_Why would I help you? We’re enemies, remember?_ **

_ ‘Whatever. I’m not giving up, not yet.’ _

**_Well, it’s your funeral._ **

The voice laughed at it’s stupid joke. My hands started to shake, so I just hugged my knees tighter. I just wanted this all to be over. I-I couldn't take this. I've had countless anxiety attacks before, but this was one of the worst I've ever experienced. 

_ ‘No one would even miss me if I died. I’m so worthless. I’m so weak. I’m just a disorder, a mistake, a burden. Maybe that voice was right. Maybe I should just…. God, why do I always feel like this? I fucking hate this. I hate this and I hate myself. I wish I never existed. Then maybe then none of this would’ve happened.  _

**_See? I’m always right. If you never existed, everyone would be happy. Instead, you just had to fuck everything up by existing._ **

_ ‘I GET IT, OKAY? I SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE. EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPIER IF I WAS DEAD! ARE YOU HAPPY?’ _

The voice paused for a while. I could feel myself tearing up. 

**_You know what will make me happy. Fucking kill yourself, Virgil_ **

Honestly, the voice was right. That would make everything better. All of my problems would instantly vanish. I wouldn't have to cry all night anymore. I wouldn't have to fucking hurt myself just to feel complete. I wouldn't have to hate myself 24/7. 

_'I wish, Voice. I wish.'_

It wasn't long before the weight of sleep tugged at my eyes. I yawned and let my eyes close slowly, laying down on the carpeted floor. I could always be suicidal tomorrow. For now, I'm taking a nap. 


	5. Chapter 5 part one~ Singing in the Shower

**Roman’s POV:**

As much as I hate Anxiety, I was still worried about him. He’d been in his room for three days. He did this very often, but this time really worried me. I had...said some things and believe it or not, I kinda felt bad about it. I asked Patton and Logan if they had seen him recently, but neither of them had. I told myself I didn’t care about him, but I often found myself pacing around my bedroom at night, thinking about how to talk to him. I care about him so much, it hurts. Just don’t go around telling people that. The last thing I need is Patton obsessing over us, “Shipping” us and things like that. As far as I know, Anxiety hasn’t eaten in days. I don’t even know if he’s alive. This whole situation is making me very...anxious. Patton and and Logan attempted to calm me down (Well, if you call reading definitions out of a dictionary “Calming”), but nothing worked. 

“He’s probably just sleeping, Roman. Don’t worry. He does this all the time. We just need to give him his space. He’ll come down soon enough,” Patton said while giving me a very tight hug. I was going to tell him that hugs can’t fix everything, but I didn’t want to spoil his fun.

“Perfunctory: Adjective. Characterized by routine or superficiality,” Logan said, not moving his eyes from his dictionary. He always found comfort in concrete facts, yet I didn’t find it comforting at all.

 

“That’s not helping, Logan! And he’s not ‘just sleeping’, Patton! He’s been in his room for three days!” I snapped, speaking angrily. My hands instantly covered my mouth. I usually didn’t care when I was rude, but I saw something change in Patton’s eyes. He released me from the hug and looked at the ground, seemingly ashamed. He was worried, just like me. He didn’t deserve to be yelled at. “I’m sorry, Patton. I’m just really worried about him,” I said, apologizing for my outburst. Patton’s smile returned, but the worry in his eyes stayed.

“We all are. The best we can do is be there for him when he comes back. We can’t change him. We just have to get used to this. This is who he is, and we have to love that regardless,” He said, holding my hands in his.

“But this isn’t him!” I pleaded. “He was happy once! I mean, he was always Anxiety, but he almost never hid in his room. He used to smile, but now all he does is glare and roll his eyes. I miss the old him.”

“Consecrate: Adjective. Dedicated to a sacred purpose,” Logan read aloud. “And yes, he was much happier before. I truthfully do not know what changed in him.”

“I don’t know either, but when he’s ready to talk about it, he will come to us. For now, we shouldn’t force him to talk,” Patton said, sighing. They were so worried, even if they tried not to show it. If no one would do anything about it, I would. I stood up and put on my bravest face, even though it was a total lie. I was scared to death of what could be up there, but I couldn’t show the others. They looked up to me. I’m the brave one. I cleared my throat, looking back at the others.

“I’ll go check on him. You guys stay here, but be on call. I might need some back-up.” With that, I walked up the stairs. As soon as I was out of sight, I let the brave face drop and I took a deep, shaky breath. I had to do this. For Patton. For Logan. For Anxiety (Side note- (No pun intended) remind me to find out Anxiety’s real name.) His door was closed all the way this time, most likely locked. I closed my eyes, took another deep breath and knocked on the door.

“Anxiety? Are you in there?” I asked softly. I gave him a moment to answer, but he didn’t reply. This wasn’t unusual, but I promised myself I wasn’t going to get mad this time. “It’s Roman. I figured you’d like that I knocked this time.” There was still no reply. I tried the handle and the door swung open. He’s not in his room. Where the bibiddy boppity boo is he?

“Turn away.If you could get me a drink of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded,” A voice sang from somewhere far away. It was coming from….the bathroom? Anxiety must be hiding in the bathroom! I walked over slowly, trying not to disturb his singing. He really was an amazing singer, he just didn’t like to sing in public. He got embarrassed easily and often backed out of things. He had no idea I was listening.

“Call my aunt Marie. Help her gather all my things and bury me in all my favorite colors.   
My sisters and my brothers, still I will not kiss you ‘cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.” I stopped dead in my tracks. What did he mean by ‘Leaving you?’ I know that it’s just a song, but Anxiety always means what he says. 

_ ‘Oh my god. He’s not thinking of….no. I need to ask him in person. Just worrying about it won’t do any good.’ _

“Now turn away 'cause I'm awful just to see. 'Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body   
All my agony   
Know that I will never marry   
Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo   
But counting down the days to go.”    
  


I took a deep breath and walked up to the bathroom door. I always knew something was up, I just…..you know what? I don’t know why I didn’t do anything. I guess it’s better late than never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Credit for that song~  
> That song is Cancer by My Chemical Romance. I DON'T OWN IT!


	6. Chapter 5 part two~ "Can I Help You?"

**Roman’s POV:**

I went to knock on the door, but I just couldn’t for some reason. It’s just a door! We are the same person technically, so that’s not a problem. I don’t know how to face him. What am I supposed to say, ‘Oh hi! I heard you singing in the shower and I thought it was beautiful. By the way, have you been planning to kill yourself’? I pressed my back against the door and slid down into a sitting position. I can’t assume anything until I talk to him, but how can I talk to him about something like this? This could literally be life or death. I heard the shower suddenly go silent. 

_ ‘Time’s up. Guess it’s now or never.’  _

The door opened and I fell backwards onto the cold bathroom floor. Anxiety looked down at me, a confused look on his face. It was honestly weird to see him without makeup. He didn’t seem angry or anything, which was also strange. He was already wearing his normal clothes (That could’ve been a little awkward.), but his hair wasn’t very wet. That’s….odd.

 

“Can I help you?” He asked in a calm, neutral tone. I blushed slightly. He actually looked pretty cute right now. 

 

_ ‘Now’s not the time for crushes, Princey. We have to get this done first. Then, maybe we’ll have time for a little romance.’ _

  
I cleared my throat and held my hands behind my back, trying to hide the fact that my hands were shaking. “Yes, actually. I need to talk to you about something, but not here. Would you mind if we talked in my room?” I asked, trying not to sound threatening or anything. I knew he wouldn’t want to talk about something like this in front of the others. 

 

“Uh….okay…?” He said, something changing in his eyes. I saw it the second it appeared: fear. He knew that I knew. He tried to keep up the act that he didn’t know what I wanted, but I could see through it. I held his hand gently and lead him to my room. 

_ ‘Maybe next time this happens y-’  _

SHUT UP, INTERNAL MONOLOGUE! THAT’S NOT WHAT THIS IS! My room was pretty much what you’d expect it to be: red. It had red walls with white curtains, a white bedspread and pretty much all white decor. All of Thomas’ acting awards glittered in the sunlight shining through my sheer curtains. I sat Anxiety down on my bed and sat next to him. He appeared really confused, but he was hard to read at the moment. 

 

“Okay, don’t freak out. I just want to ask a few questions,” I said in a calm voice. “I promise, I won’t judge your answers or anything like that. I just want you to know that we’re completely safe here. Nothing we say here has to leave this room, okay?” He nodded, his eyes widening slightly. He probably knew what’s coming. I could practically feel his fear radiating from him. I’m honestly terrified as well, but it’s too late to back out now. 

 


	7. Chapter 6~ I'm So Very Far from Fine

**Virgil’s POV:**

I felt my breathing speed up. I tried not to seem panicked, but on the inside everything was chaos.

_ ‘He’s onto us! He knows! Oh my god I messed up. He’s gonna hate me forever. He’s gonna-’ _

**_SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO THIS MESS, NOT ME. STOP COMPLAINING! THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM, NOT MINE._ **

_ ‘WELL YOU’RE THE ONE WHO GOT ME INTO THIS MESS. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO MADE ME DO IT!” _

The voice didn’t respond. That fucking asshole. It’s the one that made me cut. Now Roman’s going to hate me forever…..God, I ruined everything. 

“Anxiety?” Roman said, snapping me out of my daze. “Are you okay?” 

I wanted to scream out to him. I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to ask for his help. I wanted to say ‘I’m not okay.’ 

“Yeah. I’m fine,” I said, sighing. My eyes fell to the floor. 

.

.

.

There was a long pause. Neither of us knew what to say. There was an elephant in the room. No, a stampede of elephants in the room. We both wanted to say something, but we didn’t know what. 

 

“Are you really?” He asked, his voice squeaking slightly. I looked up and there were tears in his eyes. Roman was never one to cry, especially about me. He didn’t care that much about me...did he? The whole world became blurry as tears filled my eyes. I shook my head and stared at the floor, tears falling down my face. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him so badly. How do I say it though? How do I-

My thoughts were cut off by a hand lifting my chin. Roman stared into my eyes, his gaze somehow intense yet soft at the same time. I looked at the corner of my room, refusing to make eye contact. I didn’t want to look at him. I pulled down my sleeves instinctively, expecting him to check my arms. 

 

_ ‘HOLD THE FUCK UP. I’M THE ONLY PERSON WHO CHECKS MY ARMS…….FUCK FUCK FUCK I MESSED EVERYTHING UP. I’M SO FUCKING SCREWED! I-’ _

 

And suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. This time though, it was different. It was sweet, not scary. It was beautiful. It was amazing. It felt like fireworks were going off in my heart. Suddenly, I could feel again. I wasn’t numb anymore. It wasn’t a panic attack. It was a kiss. Roman opened his eyes and pulled his face away from mine. His lips felt so warm on mine. I wanted that back. I’m tired of being cold. His beautiful amber eyes sparkled. He must have been trying to figure out what was going through my head. I would tell him, but I don’t even know myself. Roman’s face went blurry and so did the rest of the world. My face felt hot and I rubbed my cheek with my sleeve. I had no idea I was crying. More and more tears fell until I was sobbing uncontrollably. I had no idea how to do any of this. I’m just some disorder. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve his kiss. I don’t even deserve to be alive. Roman wrapped my in his arms, holding me tight in a hug. I just sat there and cried like a baby while he attempted to comfort me. All these emotions came out all at once. I was sad, angry, confused, lonely. Most of all, I was afraid. What would happen when he found out about everything? Would he ever want to do this again? Would he even be able to look at me again? 

 

“Shhhh. It’s okay, Anxiety. I’m here now,” He said, hugging me tighter. I just let the tears flow, ignoring how much his hug hurt. He must have felt me wince slightly, because he loosened his grip on me. I pulled him back into the hug, not letting him leave. 

_ ‘I love you, Roman. Please don’t let go.’ _


	8. Chapter 7~ Someone Who's Afraid to Get Close

**Roman’s POV:**

When I woke up, I was cradling Anxiety like a baby. Wait….WHAT? I started to get up, but he looked so peaceful. I settled back down and looked at his adorable, sleeping face. He looked so calm and at ease. Of course, he still had no makeup on, so that made a difference. He was hugging my waist like I was some big teddy bear.

_ ‘I thought he hated me. Why would he……Oh. Right. The whole crying thing.’  _

I kinda felt bad about last night. I didn’t mean to make him feel bad or anything. In my defense, I thought the kiss would calm him down, not make everything worse. I guess it didn’t really matter now. He seemed happy, for the most part. His hair was all messed up and knotted, but he somehow made it look cute. His eyes fluttered open and he yawned, sounding like a kitten.

_ ‘God, he’s so cute! I can’t let him know that though. Don’t show any signs of you liking him, princey. You can do this.’ _

I could see it as soon as he realized what was happening. He darted out of the bed and stood on the other side of the room, panting like he couldn’t breathe.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?” He asked, blushing slightly. Was he….embarrassed? 

 

“Um….er...I actually don’t know. I woke up like this,” I said, sitting up and blushing slightly as well. I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to think of what to say. His eyes burned like a raging fire.

 

“If you tell anyone about this, you’re dead,” He said in an angry tone. I tried to be scared by his threat, but I simply couldn’t. He just looked so...cute! 

_ ‘Man, I really don’t sound like myself. I gotta get my head back in the game! Aaaaaand another shameless Disney reference. You are on fire, Princey!’  _

I nodded at him, smiling. “I won’t, if that’s what will make you happy.” He seemed to relax a tiny bit, but blushed even harder. His chest started moving up and down faster. I could tell he was getting worried. 

_ ‘I can’t believe he’s getting scared about this. Literally, nothing happened. I can’t believe he-’ _

 

**_Now now, Roman. Play nice._ **

 

_ ‘Fine, disembodied voice.’ _

 

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes. 

“Anxiety, don’t worry. Nothing happened. You were just crying and I was trying to stop you. I guess I just fell asleep.” He froze for a second and bolted out the door. I would’ve gone after him, but what was the point? He was just going to hide in his room again. I do one nice thing for him and he pulls this bullshit again. 

 

**_Yes. He is quite annoying. We should just get rid of him._ **

 

_ ‘What do you want now? I thought you were done pestering me.’ _

 

**_I just wanted to make sure you remember. It’s right here when you need it._ **

 

I growled at the voice’s words.

 

_ ‘I’ll never need it, but thanks.’ _

 

I stood up and walked out of my room, approaching the stairs. Anxiety’s door was closed, as usual. It was best to just wait this out and let him come to us. I walked down the stairs, a smile on my face. 

 

“Don’t worry, guys. He’s alive and okay. He’s just….er…..not feeling too good. He’ll be back soon,” I said, lying straight to the other’s faces. Patton looked up from his knitting, smiling.

“That’s great to hear, Roman. Thanks for checking on him,” Patton said.  Logan nodded, agreeing, and went back to his book. I sat down on the couch, instinctively crossing my legs and leaning back. (Guys, I’m gay. You should expect this.) 

 

**_Oh Roman! I’m still here you know. I’m telling you, it’s going to work._ **

 

_ ‘Just shut up! I’m not going to get rid of him, no matter how much of a nuisance he can be.’ _

 

Patton dropped his knitting needles on the ground. They made a slight  _ clink  _ on the floor. 

 

“Uh...Patton?” I leaned forward, looking at his face. Logan put his book down and sat forward in his seat.

 

“Morality, is there something wrong?” He asked. Patton ripped off his glasses and covered his eyes with his wrist. He tried to cover it, but tears were flowing down his face. 

 

_ ‘Oh no. It’s happening again.’  _

 

Background info: Whenever Anxiety gets into one of his….moods, all of us get affected. Patton can always feel his stress, panic and pain, which is usually too much to handle. Logan doesn’t know how to handle emotions, especially stress. He usually gets really frustrated and angry. I always seem to run out of ideas, which shouldn’t even be possible. 

 

“I-I’m sorry, guys. D-Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,’ Patton said, sniffling. I rubbed his back and put my arm around him.

 

“It’s okay, Patton. You’re gonna be okay. We’ll all be okay. Just take a deep breath and calm down,” I said. Logan rolled his eyes and picked up his book. I glared at him, which instantly made him put down the book and attempt to comfort Patton.

 

“I-I just get so worried sometimes. D-does he think that we don’t love him? That we don’t want to see him? I never want to make someone feel that way. I never want to treat anyone that badly,” Patton said, sobbing at this point. Logan made a low, growling noise. 

 

_ ‘Aaaand here goes Logan too. Here we go again.’ _

 

“Stop crying, Goddamnit! It’s just Anxiety. He’s always such a...such a.. I don’t even know. Just get it together and stop crying over him.” 

 

“I-I’m sorry, Logan. I...uh...I’ll be right back.” Patton ran out of the room, still crying. I stood up and glared at Logan.

 

“Well now you’ve done it! Why did you have to be so rude?” I barked, my face turning red with anger.

 

“I don’t know, okay? This is what I get for trying to help. Emotions aren’t my field of expertise. They’re the bane of my existence. I don’t know why you keep looking to me for help with these kind of things.” Logan said, turning slightly red as well. 

 

_ ‘He was so blind to what’s obvious! Patton loves him! Literally he stares at him 24/7. He always has that look in his eye and….wait a minute _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_ FUCK. THAT'S WHAT ME AND EDGY MC-MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE DO. NO NO NO NO NO.’  _

I sighed and pinched between my eyebrows, attempting(and failing) to not get mad. 

“He loves you, okay? He needs your help,not mine. I need to go make Anxiety calm down so we can all calm down.” 

I walked up the stairs quickly and knocked on Anxiety's door. Now wasn't the time to get nervous. 

“Anxiety, I'm coming in.” 

.

.

.

Yeah. I regret even setting foot in the upstairs floor. 


	9. Chapter 8~ Truth Minus the Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anything Bolded, Underlined and in brackets is my commentary. I was just so excited writing this chapter that I had to include my comments!

**Virgil's POV:**

Roman walked into my room suddenly...again. I wiped the tears out of my eyes and looked up at him.

"What do you want, Princey?" I asked, my voice squeaking. He sat down on my bed and hugged me really tight. I couldn't breathe, but I didn't want to spoil the moment. I tensed up at first, but relaxed and hugged back, burying my face in his shoulder. He rubbed my back again, attempting to calm me down. I squeezed the fabric of his shirt, trying not to start crying again.

"Shhhh. It's okay, Anxiety. I'm here," He said, whispering in my ear. I sniffled, feeling tears form in my eyes.

_'He cares about me. He truly cares about me. He would care if I disappeared. He would miss me.'_

_**Don't be so stupid. He wouldn't give a shit. He just wants you to stop screwing the others over. You're ruining everything. He just wants to get rid of you.** _

_'No, he doesn't. I'll show you.'_

"Hey Princey? Can you do me a favor?" I asked, pulling away from the hug. His eyes sparkled, signalling him trying to read my expression. He always had some cue to what he was doing. Eyes sparkling meant he was trying to read someone's emotions. Constantly taking deep breaths meant he was trying not to be nervous. He was fairly easy to read, since he rarely kept secrets.

"Sure, Anxiety. What is it?" He spoke in a very calm, steady tone. He tensed up a little bit, but it was hardly noticeable. I only saw it because I was looking for it.

"Can we play a game or something? I'm kinda tired of crying." He seemed to relax a little bit at my request. He smiled and nodded.

"Sure. This could be a good chance for us to get to know each other." He said, blushing slightly. He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "You've been here for who knows how long and I still feel like I don't know you."

I felt my face get hot, signalling I was blushing. "Yeah..." I trailed off, not bothering to finish my sentence.

_'That's the thing. The less you know about me, the better.'_

"Well, I heard about this really fun game," Roman said, interrupting my train of thought. "It's like truth or dare, just not without the dare part. You start off with little secrets and you eventually progress to the biggest secret you have."

_**He's setting you up. He's manipulating you. Don't fall for this again.** _

_'Just shut up. He's trying to get to know me. What's the worst that could happen.'_

_**You're so blind to what's really happening. I've been inside his head. I've seen what he's planning.** _

_'Bullshit. You only exist in my imagination.'_

_**Keep telling yourself that.** _

I ignored the voice's remark and smiled. "That sounds fun. Let's play." Roman clapped his hands in excitement and grinned like a little goofball. God, he could be adorable sometimes...when he wasn't being annoying.

"Woah there, Princey. Calm down. It's just a little game," I said, smirking at his adorableness.

"Okay, okay. I'll go first!" He exclaimed. "My favorite color wasn't always red. It used to be yellow."   
  
An image flashed into my head of a younger Roman, his smile missing a few teeth, wearing a yellow t-shirt and jeans. A little laugh escaped my lips, the image making me smile.   
  
"What? Is that so hard to believe?" Roman said, crossing his arms.   
  
"No, it's just....nevermind." I paused for a second, thinking of a minor secret to tell him. "My favorite animal is a cat."  
  
"No surprise there..." He muttered. Aaaaand the cute time was over. He was back to being annoying. "My favorite animal is a swan. Elegant and beautiful, yet fierce and powerful." I nodded, pretending to care about what he was saying.  
  
"I've never tried tea, only coffee."  
  
"Interesting. You should try tea some time. I heard it helps with anxiety and insomnia," He suggested.   
  
  
 _'How does he know I have insomnia?'  
_  
 ** _Are you finally ready to listen to what I'm saying?  
_**  
 _'......no.'  
_  
"Cool."  
  
"I've never had garlic bread before."  
  
"You're missing out, man."   
  
We went back and forth like that for hours. Time flew by immeasurably. I didn't let my guard down, but there wasn't a point in fighting this. I....was actually kind of enjoying it.  
  
"This one....this one's kind of hard to admit." Roman paused, playing with his fingers. "I actually get stage fright. I know I'm, like, the dramatic side, but something just changes whenever I get up on stage. It's like I just freeze up and forget everything. I usually just wing it after that."   
  
 _'Huh. I had no idea. He always seems so brave and confident. I don't know how he does it.'_  
  
"You're a really good pretender then. I had no idea."

His eyes fell to the floor and he smiled, a sad look in his eye. "Yeah. Good pretender." I changed the subject quickly, fearing where this might go.  
  
"I actually like musicals," I said, bracing myself for impact. Roman squealed with delight, his cheery expression returning.   
  
"OH MY GOSH! WHICH ONE'S YOUR FAVORITE?" He asked, practically bouncing up and down.  
  
"...Heathers." Roman nodded in approval at my comment.

"Ah, yes. That is a good one. My personal favorite is Hamilton." He smiled, making me feel more and more at ease.

"Man, I'm out of secrets," I said, lying straight (well, not straight. I can't do anything straight) to his face. At this, he winked at me, obviously seeing through my lie.

"I'm sure you have at least one more secret."

_**If you tell him, I swear to god, I will end you.** _

_'Tell him what? That I cut myself on an almost daily basis? That I plan to kill myself in a few days? That I love him? You gotta be more specific, dude.'_

_**....All of those things.** _

_'I wasn't going to anyway. That's such a stupid idea.'_

_**Good. You don't deserve to be happy. He's just lying to you. Don't take pleasure in his beautiful lies.** _

_'God, not now.'_

_**Think about it though. He's just playing this game to get to know your weaknesses. He knows that you love him, WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T, and he's using that to his advantage. He's just trying to get what he wants.** _

_'.....'_

I didn't have a snarky response to that.

_**You know what, you deserve to suffer. Say it to him and see what he says. Tell him. I dare you.** _

I don't remember opening my mouth. I don't remember speaking. My whole body went numb. I couldn't tell if Roman was talking or if I was. All I remember was a voice...

"I have one more secret."

.

.

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.

.

.

.

** {Dramatic pause} **

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

** {hold for Jesus} **

.

.

.

.

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.

"I love you."

 

** {SCREEEEEEEEEEEET I LOVE IT! Next chapter coming as soon as I find the motivation and will in life. Love ya'll! See ya next chapter!} **


	10. Chapter 9~ Like a Cup of Hot Cocoa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *snickering* read the card for the viewers, Logan!
> 
> Logan: *clears throat* Very well. It's about to get *adjusts glasses* 'Smexy' up in here. Author? What does Smexy mean?
> 
> Me: *hysterical gay laughter*

**~Chapter 9~  
**

  
  


**Roman's POV:**

_'Hold on...........................what?'_

I don't know if I said that or if Anxiety did. My whole body went numb for a quick second. It was the truth, though. I love him. There's no use denying it now. Now, this is gonna sound super weird, but I honestly don't know how I got into this situation myself. One second, I'm staring at Anxiety (blushing redder than a rose) and the next....we're kissing. I have no idea who made the first move or anything, but I have to say: I kinda liked it. I pulled away after a second, blushing. Anxiety was blushing even more than I was. His eyes were filled with confusion, like he didn't know what to think. I rubbed the back of my neck in embarrassment, chuckling awkwardly.

"I don't really know where that came from. Sorry if I-" My sentence was cut off by another kiss being planted on my lips. It was sweet and calm, like a cup of hot cocoa. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. I put my hand on his cheek, keeping his face close to mine even after the kiss was done. I didn't want it to end. I had been waiting for this for so long. I loved him. I didn't want him to let go. His eyes sparkled with a something I had never seen before. Light filled his eyes where darkness once resided. He wrapped his arms around my neck, holding on to me. He seemed...different. He looked genuinely happy for once. He smiled sweetly, which was unusual. His glare was replaced by a soft, loving and gentle gaze.

"Virgil," He said. I gave him a look of confusion.

"What?" He smiled and kissed my nose.

"That's my biggest secret. My name is Virgil," He said. I was kind of offended that his biggest secret wasn't that he loved me, but I didn't care.

"Virgil....I like that name!" I said, smiling. He finally told me his name! It's about time! I got reaalllyyy tired of calling him 'Anxiety'. He blushed and looked at the floor, embarrassed.

"I don't really. I think it's stupid."

"Nothing about you is stupid." I closed the distance between us with another kiss. Fireworks exploded in my heart. God, I never want this feeling to end.

** [Random POV change brought to you by: My rainbow shoelaces.{I stole them from the president ;) } ] **

**Virgil's POV:**

_'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'_

_**Are you done yet?** _

_'No. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'_

_**JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY** _

_'WELL HOW WOULD YOU REACT IF YOUR CRUSH JUST KISSED YOU OUT OF THE BLUE?'_

_**I don't have a crush. I don't care either. Just stop being so immature. It's just a kiss.** _

_'No way. I've been waiting for this for so long. I'm gonna enjoy this all I want!'_

I honestly had no idea how much I wanted this, how much I needed this. Everything felt so dark before, but it was Roman was chasing all that away. He was my light in the shadows. I wanted to get closer to him. I wanted him to get closer to me. I wanted to tell him everything, even though I couldn't. I pressed my hand to his chest and felt his heartbeat. It was rapid and sporadic, just like mine. Somehow, we were still kissing. I don't have much experience, but Roman clearly does. We both pulled away from each other, out of breath. I didn't want him to leave though. I didn't need to breathe. Breathing is overrated anyway. He put his hand on my chest as well. My heart was practically beating out of my chest. I opened my mouth to speak, but Roman put his finger on my lips.

"Having fun, pretty face?" He asked, smirking. I could feel myself blushing, but I ignored it. Damn......Roman looked hot.

_**Okay, what tHE FUCK** _

_'I can't help it. He does look really hot. Man, I'm not used to feeling like this. I'm having too much fun. SOMEBODY STOP ME!'_

_**First of all, HE HAS THE SAME FUCKING FACE AS YOU. HE'S LITERALLY PART OF THE SAME PERSON** _

_'Oh shut up already. Just let me enjoy my moment. This could be my last chance.'_

The voice grumbled and faded, leaving me alone with Roman. My chest was moving up and down really quickly, due to the fact my anxiety was about to fly off the charts. Roman's hand tightened around my zipper.

_'Fuck it. Why not?'_

I closed my eyes and made the gap between us vanish once again. I was done with the gentle kisses. Everyone had ignored me all of my life or pretended that I don't exist. I'm done with being invisible. I was starving for attention. I didn't care about my scars, I didn't care that I hadn't eaten in three days. I don't care about anything anymore. It was just me and him. Him and me.

And suddenly, we weren't kissing.

 

 

And suddenly, I wasn't wearing my hoodie.

 

 

And suddenly, I heard a whimper, as if someone was trying to hold back tears

 

 

And suddenly, everything fell apart.

 

 


	11. Chapter 10~ Escape.....or not

~Chapter 10~

**Back and forth POV (Anything bolded will be Virgil. Anything underlined will be Roman. Any combination of the two or other font modifiers are not a point of view)**

‘...Are those bandages?’

**‘Oh no. He saw my bandages’.**

‘Dear god, they’re everywhere.’

**‘Oh my god, they’re everywhere. What’s he thinking right now?’**

‘...They’re on his arms? Why would he have so many bandages on his…..No. No way. He wouldn’t hurt himself…..would he?’

**‘I can’t tell what’s going on inside his head. Is he mad, sad, scared? Man, I fucked this up. He’s never going to love me like this. He’s never going to want to see me again. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, ME, YOU DID IT AGAIN! CONGRATULATIONS’**

‘How many are there? Are they just on his arms? D-Did he do? Cut? Burn? God, I don’t even know what he could’ve done. There’s blood all over them. We need to get these cleaned up. More importantly, we need to make sure he stops.’

**‘He’s gonna tell the others. Logan probably won’t care...as usual. Patton will be heartbroken. I don’t know how to explain this to them. What am I supposed to say? I was so close to the day, too. Three more days and I would’ve been gone. They wouldn’t have had to deal with this.’**

**(Virgil’s POV. Back to original format.)**

I couldn’t read what’s going on inside of Roman’s head. I grabbed my hoodie and scrambled to put it on, but Roman put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

“....Virgil?” He asked, his voice squeaking as he said my name. Tears welled up in his eyes, threatening to fall down his face.

“Look,” I started. “It’s not what yo-” I stopped mid-sentence. He looked away as tears rolled down his face, refusing to make eye contact.

“It’s exactly what I think, isn’t it?” He asked. I sighed and nodded. There’s no use denying it now. “When are those from?” I looked at the ground, not wanting to see Roman’s expression.

“Today, actually.” I looked up at him, coincidentally at the same time as him. His eyes were full of sorrow. Our happy moment was gone. I messed it up, just like everything else.

_**See? I told you how this would go. You never learn. You never have and you never will.** _

“....Can I see?” He asked. I slowly slid off my sweatshirt, revealing my arms. My short sleeve shirt didn’t cover much, but it still hid some. My arms were covered in bandages, spattered in blood. It was not a pretty sight. Roman let out a little yelp, tears flowing down his face. “Dear god…..” He said under his breath. I knew what was coming as soon as I saw it in his eyes. “LOGAN! PATTON! GET UP HERE NOW!”

“WHAT THE FUCK, ROMAN?” I pushed him away from me and got up, running out of the room. I was not going down without a fight. I ran towards the bathroom, but Logan blocked my path. He eyed my bandages cautiously and put his hands out, attempting to comfort me.

“Anxiety? Calm down. We’re right here,” He said, taking a step towards me.

“FUCK YOU, LOGAN!” I yelled, darting the other way. My heart was practically beating out of my chest.

‘What are they gonna say when they catch me? What are they-’

Aaaaand suddenly, there was a rag over my face. Damn it. I forgot that Logan carried chloroform 24/7. My eyelids grew heavier than cement and I passed right out. God, I hate all of them sometimes.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was such a short chapter! I haven't had much time to write lately. I hope you enjoy anyway!


	12. Chapter 11~ interrogation

**Virgil’s POV:**

 

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking a couple times. There was a bright light shining in my eye, practically blinding me. I could just barely make out a figure before me, then another, then another. Of course, it was them. I went to stand up, but apparently I hadn’t noticed I was tied to a chair. My wrists were bound tightly with rope, which was rubbing up against my previous cuts. 

 

_ ‘What the fuck even is this? They fucking kidnapped me and tied me up? IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THIS OKAY?’ _

  
  


**_You deserve this and you know it._ **

 

_ ‘Honestly, I don’t even know why the hell you stick around. I don’t want you here. You’re not changing anything. I’ll always be a bipolar suicidal maniac.’ _

 

**_Oh Virgil. I’m here to make sure you stay that way._ **

 

The light moved away slowly and my interrogators revealed themselves. Patton was standing behind the desk lamp, leaning on it ever so slightly. He had a very worried look on his eyes were puffy, presumably from crying. Logan was standing on the opposite side, staring at me with a vacant look. His tie was all loose and his shirt was untucked. He looked like a mess. That was really unusual. And finally, Roman was standing directly in front of me. He wasn’t even wearing his usual outfit. He was wearing a baggy, red sweatshirt and a pair of skinny jeans. 

 

_ ‘Wait a minute…...all those clothes were mine. WHAT THE FUCK?’ _

 

“You’re probably wondering why you’re here,” Roman stated, interrupting my train of thought. 

 

“Yeah. Maybe just a little bit,” I responded in my traditional, sarcastic style. I shifted my hands lightly, inadvertently putting a shit ton of pressure on my wrists. I sharply sucked air through my teeth, trying not to cry out in pain. God, it hurt so bad. I moved my hands back and the pain ceased. I balled my hands into fists, then extended my fingers as much as I could. I did this over and over, trying not to lose my temper.

 

“Well, that’s a simple answer. You’re here because we want answers. Here’s how this is going to work. We’re going to ask a question and you’re going to answer it.” He placed a hand under my chin, lifting my face up so that we were at eye level. His expression was cold and hard. He was clearly trying not to lose his cool, but failing. “Got it?” I nodded, glaring at him. He took a step back, still standing in front of me. He smiled in an evil manner, looking almost like a monster. There was nothing left of the Roman I had shared that kiss with. He was simply gone, leaving this villainous character in his place. Of course, he wasn’t being evil. It only seemed like that to me. He was probably just terrified and trying to put on a brave face. “Okay. First question: how long have you been hurting yourself for?” 

 

I looked over at Logan, then Patton, looking for an explanation or some help or SOMETHING. Logan just shrugged and Patton turned away, not wanting me to see the obvious tears falling down his face. I sighed and looked at the floor. 

 

“It’s been about fuck you years,” I replied sarcastically. I could really tell that set Roman off. I saw a fire light in his eyes. Not a fire of passion, but a fire of sheer anger. I heard a small whimper and I looked up at Patton. His few tears had turned into a stream of tear. He took a cautious step towards me, probably expecting me to bite. The second he realized I wouldn’t, he ran forward and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. Roman rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, apparently disgusted by the sign of affection. Patton started sobbing into my shoulder, still clinging to me. I would’ve tried to comfort him, but my hands were bound behind my back. 

 

“I-I was so scared, Anxiety. I didn’t know where you were and if you were okay a-and…” Patton trailed off, being too emotional to finish the second. Apparently, Roman hadn’t told anyone my name. At least he’d had the decency to keep that secret for me. 

 

“Shhhh. It’s okay, Patton. Just calm down, buddy,” I said, ever so slightly rubbing my head against his. I know it was weird, but it was the best I could do. Roman was now whispering something inaudible to Logan. The two were discussing something presumably important, but I couldn’t tell what they were saying. He took off his cardigan and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, his tears staining the light grey material. He returned his gaze to me, his amber colored eyes full of sadness. 

 

“C-Can I have a hug?” He asked, sniffling. Logan’s eyes flicked over to the figure before me. I saw that look in his eyes as well: concern. He cared about Patton a lot, probably more than he’d like to admit. 

 

_ ‘Awww. He cares about his little boyfriend.’ _

 

**_Ugh. That’s pathetic. You better not ever get like that._ **

 

_ ‘Don’t worry. I don’t plan on it.’ _

 

“I would give you a hug, but I’m kind of  _ tied _ up at the moment.” I saw his eyes light up and a small smile appeared on his tear-stained face. 

 

“D-Did you just make a pun?” 

“Maybe. But seriously, can you untie me? This isn’t very comfortable.” At my response, he nodded and untied me quickly. I felt the rope fall off of my hands and I pulled Patton close, hugging him tightly. He hugged back just as tightly. I felt another pair of arms around me and then another. There we all sat, just hugging. It honestly felt really good, all that warmth. Besides the time with Roman, he couldn’t remember the last time he had been hugged. It had been too long. I felt two pairs of arms release me from their grasp, but Patton still clung to me. “Hey Patton? Can we move this to the couch or something? This chair’s kind of uncomfortable.” 

 

“Oh! Sure!” He said, releasing me and smiling. I walked out of the room, which upon further observation revealed itself to be Logan’s, and into the living room, jumping onto the couch. Patton soon followed, resting his head on my lap and snuggling up to me. Roman sat next to me, his arms still stubbornly crossed. Finally, Logan sat down next to Roman and rested his head on the Prince’s shoulder. A few minutes passed by before a soft snore broke the silence. My eyes flicked down to Patton, seeing that he was asleep. My gaze shifted over to Roman, who had a sleeping little nerd on his shoulder. Roman still didn’t look very happy about the whole cuddling thing, but he seemed to be a lot calmer than before. His eyes met mine for a second, but he looked away quickly.

 

“You know, tying me up like that was really kinky,” I said, smirking at the royal figure. His cheeks were lightly dusted with pink, but he pretended not to notice. 

 

“What, do you have a rope fetish or something?” He asked, still not making eye contact. 

 

“No, but do you?” I asked in a suggestive, mysterious tone. The blushing from him only worsened.

 

“Pfft what? Seriously? W-Why would you-?” He stuttered, trying to think of some excuse. I felt a genuine laugh escape my lips; the first one in a long time. Then a smile spread across my face. Princey’s eyes widened in surprise upon seeing my happy expression. He probably wasn’t used to seeing me happy. Then again, none of them really did. 

 

“That’s good to know. Thanks for the tip, ” I said, resting my head on his shoulder. My eyes quickly became heavy once again. All these cuddles were making me exhausted. The warmth just seemed to suck all of my energy away. I closed my eyes and sleep quickly dragged me into it’s never ending vortex. Hey, at least now I know what to tease Roman about next. He is never going to live this one down. 


	13. Chapter 12~ the sunrise in his eyes

**Roman’s POV:**

 

OKAY FOR STARTERS: I DO NOT HAVE A BONDAGE KINK. VIRGIL IS FULL OF LIES. FULL OF THEM. 

 

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get back to what’s important: MEEEEEEEE

 

When I woke up the next morning, all of us were in the same place except one. I’ll give you one guess. It was the Incredible Sulk, of course. He was sitting on the kitchen counter with what I presumed was a cup of coffee. There was just something about the way the pinks, purples and oranges of the rising sun reflected beautifully off of those amber eyes. That’s not all, either. The way his hair fell perfectly in his eyes when I doubt he spent any time styling it. The way that all his makeup was smudged like crazy, yet it still looked perfect. The way everything about him was just so….mysterious. There was so much that I didn’t know about him. So much hidden behind those sad, melancholy eyes. And I wanted to know all of it. I wanted to know everything about him. Scratch that.  I wanted him. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Holy fuck. I’m in love. 

 

“Like the view?” He said, a hint of a smirk on his face. I instantly felt myself blushing and getting flustered. It was like he could read me like a book. 

 

“I...uh...Yeah, the sunrise is glorious.”

 

“I meant me, stupid. You’ve been staring at me for, like, ten minutes now.”

 

“Really?” I asked, my voice squeaking slightly. A tell-tale clue I was lying. DAMN YOU, VERY OBVIOUS BODY LANGUAGE! “I had no idea.” He shrugged, taking another sip of coffee.

 

“Whatever. I mean, you know what they say. Coffee says a lot about you. Take mine, for example. My coffee is exactly like me: Dark, bitter and too hot for you.” It took me a moment to realize he was making a joke. I could see his eyes drop to the floor when I didn’t laugh. None of this depressed bullshit today. I, Prince Roman William Sanders, hereby vow to make Virgil (still gotta figure out his middle name) Sanders smile as much as possible today. I let out a small chuckle and grinned at Virgil.

 

“Well, I guess my coffee says a lot about me too: Light, sweet and too cool for you.” I gave him some finger guns and laughed again. I couldn’t keep a straight face. Actually, I can never keep a straight face ;). I could see a little hint of a smile on his face. I’M MAKING PROGRESS! 

 

“Keep telling yourself that, Princey,” He said, taking another sip of coffee. I looked down at the two others sleeping on me and a crazy, almost stupid idea popped into my head. Good thing stupid is exactly what I need. 

 

“Hey Virge. Wanna embarrass the heck out of these two?” I asked, gesturing to the sleeping sides. He nodded, grinning mischievously. I very slowly stood up, making sure not to disturb either of them. Once I was up, I took a step back and pulled out my phone. “So here’s the plan: we put them in cute poses together and post pictures of them EVERYWHERE.” Virgil snickered quietly. EVEN MORE PROGRESS!

 

“Sounds like a plan.” He slowly pushed Patton into a sitting-up position, propping his head up with a pillow. I gently shifted Logan until he was resting on Patton’s shoulder. Virgil gave me a quick thumbs up and I took, like, a gagillion pictures. A sound rang through the air, something I’ve never heard before. It was over in an instant, but I looked over at Virgil, who was covering his mouth…..Did he just giggle? 

 

_ ‘OH MY CROFTERS THIS CHILD IS ADORABLE I WILL PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE’ _

 

I just couldn’t hold my laughter in. He giggled? Dr. Gloom the fun-destroyer himself giggled. This was unheard of. This was rarer than Atlantis itself! 

 

“OH SHUT THE FUCK UP, PRINCEY!” He said, blushing madly and covering his face. Surprisingly, that didn’t wake up either of the others. 

 

“Why though? It was sooooo adowable!” I said mockingly, lazily leaning on him. He pushed me off, causing me to stumble, but it wasn’t in a threatening way. It was almost like….in a couple-y kind of way. 

 

“Shut it, Princey,” He said, crossing his arms.

 

“Make me!” I exclaimed, sticking my tongue out in defiance. He shrugged and took a step forward, smirking.

 

“Well, you asked for it.” And suddenly, his lips were pressed against mine. This time, it was aggressive, almost threatening. 

  
  


And I loved it.

  
  
  


I kissed back just as passionately, slowly backing him up against the banister of the staircase. He didn’t fight it or anything, like I expected. In fact, he grabbed my waist and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. Sure, it was messy and sloppy, but it was perfect. Everything was just perfect. That was, until we were interrupted by a voice.

 

“Um…….guys? We’re right here, you know.” The voice said. I pulled away from the kiss to see a slightly uncomfortable Patton and very confused Logan. I could practically feel the heat from Virgil’s cheeks, causing my own to turn slightly pink. 

 

“YOU TWO ARE ASPECTS OF THE SAME PERSON. WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-” Logan started, but Patton put a finger over the logical side’s lips, silencing him.

 

“Hush, Logan. Love doesn’t make sense,” Patton said, winking quickly at Logan. You could practically hear the windows error noise sounding in Logan’s head. Virgil laughed quietly, covering his face with his extra-long sleeves. I couldn’t help but laugh myself either. Patton stood and placed a hand on either of our backs, pushing both of us towards the stairs. “You two go have fun together. Me and Logan’ll turn on the TV extra loud so we won’t hear any of your..” He cleared his throat. “Activities. Go have fun, you two!” 

 

Now, if I was drinking any water, I would’ve spit it out. ME? ACTIVITIES? PFFFFT. It’s not like I think about that, like, all the time. Virgil muttered a few curses and ran upstairs, clearly embarrassed beyond belief. I shot Patton a quick glare before running after the edgiest side, following him into his room. NO WE WERE NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING OF THAT SORT. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! WE’RE KEEPING THIS PG, OKAY KIDS? LET’S WAIT UNTIL WE’RE A LITTLE FARTHER IN THE RELATIONSHIP. Thank you. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, sliding to the floor in a sitting position.

 

“God, I hate them sometimes. I mean, it’s just kissing. It’s not like I was fucking you right in the kitchen.” 

 

“VIRGIL OH MY GOD!” I said, wishing I could punch him from across the room. I expected some snarky comment, yet all I got for a response was a small yet oh-so-beautiful laugh.


	14. Chapter 13~ Absolutely Perfect

**Roman's POV:**

*-Three weeks later-*

 

Just...get it out of your system now. Yes yes yes ships and fluff and all that crap. Just fangirl, fanboy or non-binary fan freak out. Go ahead. Comment on it. Leave some Kudos.

 

_**Enjoy your fluff, you nerds** _

 

Done enjoying? Well too bad. Because GUESS WHAT? YA BITCH GOT HIMSELF A DATE! FUCK YEAHHHHHHHH. I'll spare you the awkward details, but it was just..so...AH! Virgil and I are going to this fancy restaurant I conjured up this morning. Being Creativity, I can create things whenever I wanted. Of course, I would have Logan cooking with Patton as waiter/guard. Deceit (*insert eye roll*) appeared yesterday and Virgil just seemed so on edge. I couldn't help but stare at him after he had been so cold and rude aaaaand before I knew it I was asking him out. I don't even exactly remember how it happened, but it did. Now, I was getting ready for the date. I didn't know wether to go, like, fancy™ or like kind of dressy. I doubted Virgil would dress up much, so I settled for kind of dressy. Dark red jeans? Check. White button-down shirt? Check. Perfect hair? Check. Tiny bit of red eyeshadow because a Prince has GOT to slay? Check. I walked over to the full length, golden trimmed mirror I had in my room to admire my appearance. Unbuttoning the first two buttons, I winked at myself in the mirror.

  
_'Looking sexy, Roman. Virgil is going to_ _looove_ _this.'_

I brushed my clothes off quickly, making sure that I looked presentable before quickly exiting my room. As soon as Patton saw me, there was a flash of a camera and lots of squealing. Patton insisted on using a digital camera instead of his phone (in traditional Dad style), so there was always that second or two where you were blinded. I couldn't rub my eyes, as much as I wanted to, because of the eyeshadow, so I just blinked like 1678987654 times. The blindness eventually faded to reveal a very excited (and emotional) Patton, wearing a traditional waiter outfit and a very annoyed Logan, wearing a chef's outfit. I couldn't help but crack a smile. This was going to be perfect. I heard some soft footsteps above and my eyes widened in surprise.

"Quick! Go get ready, guys. I'll meet you there," I said, shooing them to the closet door under the stairs. Did you really think that was just a closet? I opened the door and it instantly transformed into a big, fancy (red and gold, of course) dining room. I shoved both of them inside and closed the door behind them quickly, scrambling to the end of the stairs just in time to see my dark prince descending the stairs. He wore a fairly similar outfit to me, actually. Sporting a purple button-down shirt and black (not ripped. That's rare) jeans, he looked....fucking hot. He clearly didn't know that, though. He was adjusting his shirt, rubbing at his eyes and smudging his eyeshadow, fixing his long sleeves. He was just so....perfect. I wanted to be with him....forever. Oh my god. I need to stop being so in love.

"What are you staring at?" He asked, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. Awwww. He was embarrassed. Now that's just heckin' adorable.

"You. You look amazing," I said, causing him to blush even more. A small laugh escaped my lips as I held out a small, black rose out to him. He accepted it, blushing EVEN MORE. (I don't know how much more blushing I can take. I might just faint from a cuteness overload). I grabbed his hand, grinning mischievously and lead him to the door, opening it and holding it open for him. I heard a small gasp come from behind me and I turned to face him, my smile still just as bright. "Ready?"

"Fuck yeah," He said, running inside and dragging me along with him. I didn't mind being dragged, though. The night hadn't even started yet and I was already having the time of my life. When we reached our little, white table-clothed table, I pulled out Virgil's chair a little bit for him, waiting for him to sit down before pushing it in to a comfortable distance. I sat down across from him, grinning as he looked around.

"Ahem!" Patton said, trying his best to look serious. In that black uniform and white apron (and carrying a bottle of wine), he looked like he was playing dress-up again which was anything but serious. Virgil's eyes flicked up to Patton, giving the temporary waiter a small smile. I looked over at Patton as well, watching Virge out of the corner of my eye. "My name is Patton and I will be your server today. Can I interest you in any-" He squinted down at the bottle in his hands, not able to read the label on account of not having his glasses. I probably should've told him to keep them on, but I guess it's too late now. "Um....Don Pigeon?" Logan stuck his head out of the kitchen, shaking his head.

"Nice try, sweetie. It's Dom Perignon. It's champagne." And with that, he disappeared back into the kitchen. Patton's cheeks turned slightly pink, presumably because of the 'sweetie', which made both me and Virgil laugh.

"I'll take some," I said, my smile returning.

"Same here." Virgil said, matching my smile. Look at him. Oh wait....you can't. Whoopsie! I looked at him and just...god. He's literally amazing. How did I ever talk anyone this out of my league into going on a date with me? Patton poured us each a glass before disappearing into the kitchen and whispering very loudly at Logan. I couldn't quite make out the words, but I could tell Patton was very embarrassed. I couldn't help but laugh. They were messing everything up, yet I couldn't help but enjoy myself. And I could see that Virgil was very clearly enjoying himself too. He didn't fidget or stress or anything. Well, except for adjusting his sleeves every once in a while. I'd been keeping an eye on that ever since then. He hadn't seemed to be playing with them that much, but he always adjusted his sleeves when he was nervous. That, and his eyes scanned around the room, which they were doing right now. Maybe he was nervous right now. Hm....how to make him feel better..... THAT'S IT! CHEESY PICK-UP LINES!

"Hey Edge," I started casually. His eyes returned to mine, a small smile on his face. "If we had a garden, I'd put your two-lips and my two-lips together!" That earned a playful eye roll. Hey, at least it's progress.

"If we had a garden, you'd be my hoe." I couldn't help but blush. His hoe? Okay first of all....I AM NOT A HOE. Second of all, he wishes I was his. He laughed loudly, sounding like music to my ears. As if he wasn't being adorable enough, he snorted. SNORTED? OKAY NOW THAT'S FLIPPIN CUTE! He covered his mouth, growing red with embarrassment. A small laugh escaped my lips as well, seemingly making him feel worse. "OH SHUT IT, PRINCEY!"

"Awwww. But it was so cute!" I said, mocking a parental tone. He growled at me, still blushing like crazy. Patton walked out of the kitchen, carrying a tray like in a fancy restaurant. He set it down on the table, grinning.

"So...you two lovebirds ready to eat?" Virgil groaned and covered his face while I just nodded. "Luckily, I made my specialty. I hope you two enjoy." He took off the lid to reveal a box of pizza. Don't get me wrong; I love pizza. I thought we had agreed on at least spaghetti. I gave Patton a look and he shrugged in response, taking the tray and leaving us with the pizza. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Patton messed this up! This was supposed to be perfect! This entire night was supposed to be perfect! This was supposed to be something that we could look back on fondly if he......if Virgil left me. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.

"R-Roman? A-Are you okay?" A very blurry Virgil asked. I didn't even realize I was crying until he wiped away my tears with his sleeve.

"O-Of course I am!" I announced, pushing his hand away and grabbing a napkin to wipe off my running makeup. "I-I just...wanted tonight to be perfect." A hand lifted up my chin and I looked up at Virgil, who was smiling softly.

"Sweetheart, this is perfect." With that, he pressed his lips against mine, kissing me softly yet passionately. It was amazing, but didn't last long enough. Virgil pulled away quickly, grinning. "So....wanna dig in to this pizza?"

"I thought you'd never ask," I whispered in an almost seductive manner. That caused us both to laugh and we each grabbed a slice, chatting while stuffing our faces with the italian food. I'm pretty sure Logan and Patton were watching/filming the entire time, but I could hardly even find it in me to care. This was all just too perfect, even if it was completely messed up. That's all we did for the rest of the night. We talked, drank some, laughed, smiled and even kissed a few times. We hadn't even realized it was two am until Patton and Logan announced they were going to sleep. We left the dishes there and made our way upstairs, traveling to our own rooms. I sensed Virgil needed some alone time, so I was happy to oblige. Once the anxious trait went to his room, I could've sworn I saw Patton and Logan go into the same room. HA! I'll probably tease them about it soon enough. For now, I needed to wipe off this atrocious makeup and sleep. Once the first task was done, I jumped into bed, hugging myself and smiling. I kinda wished it was Virgil hugging me, but that would have to wait. Maybe someday that will be true. Let's start with a second date for now.


End file.
